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life after death and taxes.   
03:27pm 21/07/2006
 
mood: thankful
God has already forgave me. forgave me of my mistakes. . but you can't just move on when it's all said and done. the memory is still there to burn that massive hole in your heart. my heart. which is no longer available. it's been too badly damaged and in rehab with the Lord. I will never be available at that. for there's someone I'm waiting for. and together when we meet. we'll be happy forever in the word of God.

I love you God. thank you for everything. you tought me a lot. and it's a wonder I'm not in worse shape. it's all because of you. you are so wonderful. thank you. I love you. amen.

p.s. B-rad. you kick ass. be there for me forever.

much love.
neetey.
 
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ugh! has it reallllly been this long?   
06:43pm 18/07/2006
 
mood: bored
jeez. I can't believe I still have this account. it's so weird. I don't have any friends here. which I don't find surpriszing. my friends here didn't realllly like me anyways. sure thing man.

anyways. jeez. it's been forever O_O *sigh* well. matt. lets jes say he fucked up anything we had going for us. and well. he put me through a lot of false love, hope, and used me for his pleasure. ew. I know this is sick to talk about. but man. what kind of guy would tell you "I love you" jes so you could be boned and let out at sea to never be seen again. it hurts.

shit man. I fuckin suck. hehe. oh well. we all must learn to move on. matt had made that "engagement" promise. and turns around and leaves me. after he leaves me uses me for sex for about a month and a half if not a bit longer. and isn't still with me. ugh. does that even make sense? yeah. well. he wouldn't get with me. but would still fuck me. and yeah. for some dumbass reason I thought that if I let him do it I would get him back. well. fuck that shit. because he decided to stop after he found another girl. damn. I fuckin' suck.

anyways. shit. I dunno.

things are like. well. getting better. but I must admit. I don't have much emotional stability. hehe. so yeah. I suck. once again.

lol. kay well. I'm out.

l8rs ..
neetey.
 
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11:01pm 04/06/2005
  OMFG... I haven't been here in like for furcking ever! *gasp*

okay so I'm an effing loser! dig this, so I and matthew hang out today we go to his house and kinna hang, then he goes off like this... I lost a friend because of you, because you told tim something concerning us that scared him off thinking I'm going to beat him up...so freaking lame... I can fix it but matt says I can't do anything about it.... k so yeah like always I'm a stupid mo fo like everyone always calls me....

okay so, then I ask if we can leave because I didn't wanna hang there and he's like, sure go ahead, and I'm like what? you drove me can you drive me home or something and he's like, if you wanna leave then leave, I'm not stopping you...and I thought he was joking, so I joke and jes walk out the door and walk around the corner of his house and wait there until he comes out maybe possibly waondering if I really did leave... okay so me being an effing dumbass, I practically ruined the night for myself...

then I get all negative and stuff and matt's telling me to stop, so I do and not talk and he starts talking to me an stuff, an I ignore him... then I'm like, man I wish I had a big group of friends I could jes hang out with whenever I wanted, and he's like you have a lot of friends... yeah freaking school friends, I'm not cool enough to have friends outside of school, don't anyone get? can't you see I'm the most rejected loser ever anywhere? I'm only good enough to be friends with in school not out of it...

so he starts sayin', do you wonder why you don't have friends? freaking, no I don't wonder it's because you limit me from ever hanging out with anyone, it's you or nothing....and he's like, well, if I'm the problem and you wanna hang out with friends then get away from me... OH MY GOSH AM I FREE?? fuck, no.....I'll never be free because he's jes going to keep asking me back and appologizing for things and blah blah blah that makes me not want to say no and leave him....

so he's like... stop talking to me about your problems....this comment made me mad...... because whenever I had problems I couldn't talk to him about it in the first place because he would bring something up to cut me off, so I always went to someone else, tim, and he has the hugest problem with it, and he's like, (in the pas, I mean like a week ago or even two days ago!!) he's like, if you have any problems, talk to me about them, not someone else, jes come to me....

okay so that makes me even a bigger loser than ever and I'm sure all of those that read this agree... as if anyone will, it's not like this place is ever visited...

so I'm like frickin' writing in desserted area...

anyways....





I'm a loser---
anyta
 
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worst night ever   
09:50am 01/11/2004
 
mood: confused
last night i went with my family to light in the night.. would have been fun, but I didn't make it fun.. I gave my brother my only money to enter the sk8 competition, hung out with my mom while she yelled franticly at the sk8rs, woohoo! blah...

so, I see matt's brother josh walking around with some girl, and I saw adam and kyann... I said hey to josh, but he wasn't at all interested in talking, at least not with me since there were more beautiful girls to see...and I say hey to adam and he's like, hi, bye, and he just stood there waving at me, so I jes turned and walked away then I heard him say, HEY, YOU COULD AT LEAST WAVE BACK! so I did... I tried talkin' to kyann, but like anything, it didn't work...

anyways, I'll finish later..
 
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an exciting event   
06:34pm 10/09/2004
 
mood: ecstatic
okay, so I jes went to the blindside concert like last night (9/8/04), it was so in! so it was very good and we all moshed like a rabid group of ppl! Christian was drinking water and throwing half drunk bottles of water into the crowd, and one came out to my and my friend, but got my friend all wet, so he picked it up and I kept pleading to drik from it, there was still water in it! I was like, Christian drank from that,let me drink from it!!! and he wouldn't let me and threw it back up on stage...>:then I decided I'd lick my friends shirt since he got all wet from the water that Christian threw out to us...HA :] anyways, after the concert I had gotten my cd's signed and I finally cought up to Christian, surprisingly hanging around, wow! and him and I chatted a bit after he signed my cd, and he's like, awesome hair! and I then realized it was in a mohawk with liberty spikes on the sides, lol(I jes forgot being overwelmed with happyness).. I was like thnx ^_^ then we like hugged and my hair totally caught on his earing, and I was like, ooooh, I'm sorry :S but I was jes so happy that I decided to stand around a little bit longer before I took off and laughed at the fact I was even standing by him and chatting a bit... but I was real surprised he actually hung around, like all the other concerts I got to, the only person actually walking around and hanging out that we can talk to is Bob Smiley and he is definitly the thing since sliced bread.... wow. so yeah, I had the freatest night ever...

booyah!

what made me sad: cameras weren't allowed :[

um, I sound like a teeny bopper...XP
 
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woohoo ^_^   
11:36am 06/09/2004
 
mood: giddy
I got my car! that car I previously talked about, anyways, I got it and it's extremely the bomb diggedy on a bun! booyah! anyways, I got to drive it everywhere and ooooh, the back seat is bigger than matts, so we had fun with that last night ^_^ jes kidding.... my car has minor issues, but it's a really neato car! ^_^ I'm going to vaccum it out today and um... other stuff, and hopefully we'll get to clean matt's car too when he comes over.. mwuahahahahahaha! >:] I love him very much, I do so ^_^ oh yeah, he's the best thing that's happened to me since sliced bread, oooooh yeah ^_^


the end
 
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I don't know? haha   
10:36pm 04/09/2004
 
mood: crazy
hey ya'll, another year of school has jes started, and already I'm behind in my homework... how amusing ^_^ anyways, yeah so matt an I, 2 monthes.. HOW EXCITING yay! I am like so dumb, listening to my Duran Duran... and oh yeah! I have to make a birthday card for my distant mum... anyways, her birthday is on monday, and her cards going to be extremely late :( anyways, I'm kinda excited, because I plan on having matt over tonight... but like last night, it's probably not even going to happen, because of a stupid reason :| blah, well, work is good ^_^ I like it anyways, and tomorrow I'm looking at a car and plan on buying it! woo hoo! it's a pretty good car from what I hear and I'm excited beyond belief! booyah!

the end
 
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02:32pm 05/08/2004
 
mood: calm
meh.. yesturday, me an holly cleaned her old house.. she moved into town closer to me YAY! and Ihave to work tonight at 6... then I um.. I dunno. oh, yeah I'm hoping to see matt today, but maybe it'll only be at work? *sigh* I am all the sudden jes like whiped.. something like that.. anyways, I dun know? I'm hungry.. and um, yeah I'm going to go
 
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update   
09:59am 21/07/2004
 
mood: tired
everything was forgivin' and straightened out... Matt an I have been out for 5 weeks, I'd say a little bit over a month, but what does july 22nd mean? because it was june 22nd when we started... I dunno... anyways, we're good... Matt's commin' over so yeah, everyone have a great day ^_^
 
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*tear*   
03:50pm 16/07/2004
 
mood: worried
okay, so thursday morning my mom yelled at me and I didn't want her to, so I jes cried and told her to stop yelling.. but she wouldn't, so I went upstaires put on a longsleeve shirt, grabbed my wallet, and left... I took a long walk into meridian down to sonic and jes sat there and thought about a lot of things, since I wasn't allowed to talk to anyone about my problems and get advice... so I stayed there for a while 'cause it took me 2 hours to get there, around 6:30ish or 7 I walked to fredmyer to get something to drink 'cause I was cold...so I drank my drink and then called Matt to make an appologie for the night before because I smoked to make him mad, so I could find out how much he really cared about me.. and I know that doesn't make any sense... but it's hard to explain what I was getting out of it... anyways, he's telling me to go home, but I can't because I walked... because my mom was pressing charges against me as a run away...so I made Matt upset and scared out of his pants because the police told him to bring me back home or they were pressing charges agaisnt him for kidnapping... anyways, I don't know what's to come later today, because my mom told Matt to find a girl more his age and more responsible...
 
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n_n   
03:18pm 12/07/2004
 
mood: weird
Matt's at my house right now, Mwuuahahahahahahahahah >:] he doesn't even know that I am typing about him, he's like right in front of me talking with my brother... what a loser... haha jes playin'..

I am so mean, lol.. right now he's talking to mea bout how he's going to get his eyebrow pierced and his peck and other crap, ewww >_< anyways, yeah and talking about he's going to get tattoo's or something on his arm and leg.,. that's jes nuts... right now he's tlaking to me and like asking me to go over to him, he's nuts! HAHAHAHAHA, meh, he doesn't like it when I say that for some reason, *sigh8

Freaking A! *sigh* he's like calling our home phone while he's already here and tlaking to my little brother and stuff... I am jes like typoing and trying to look like I type fast when i freakin' really don't... *sigh*

OMG.. mmk, since I'mbeing stupid, thought I'd drop by, while Matt was here, but yeah...

anyways I'm out
 
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yay!!   
05:15pm 08/07/2004
 
mood: excited
today I did nothing for a while... actually it goes like this..

Matt got off work early and um I didn't know... but to start, my brother had me go get his gf and so I did, then we went to eat at taco bell, then my dad walked in and looked real mad and told me I was late for an appointment at les schwab, but he wasn't all that mad after the guy said there was nothing wrong with the brakes on our van.. so then I come home and Mitch (khile's "best" friend) jes got off the phone with Matt, so i call Matt and then he comes over after I talk him out of going to the mall and going fishing instead.. we go to wal*mart to get our licenses to fish then go to wilson ponds in nampa. we caught like 2 fish, one each, and it was right before we HAD to leave, otherwise Matt would be late for work, and hopefully he wasn't, but I caught the fish first and I was like BOOYAH! and then I had him use my pole, because the one he was using didn't have enough weight to get out, then he caught one and it was bigge than mine, grrrr.. oh well, at least it was exciting, and Matt hadn't gone fishing in like 6 yrs he said, I had to teach him to cast, geesh.. anyways, it was really fun ^_^ then I come home (after he drops me off) and I clean up the fish and measure them and his fish was like 11 1/2 inches and mine was only 9 inches... :[ oh well... it was great!!!!!!!!

okay well, time fo rme to go, bye
 
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09:30pm 07/07/2004
 
mood: hungry
goodness. work was incredibly slow today. made me cry, I was scheduled to close and I was let off at 8:30 that's early! close is like 12 am not 8:30 pm.. oh well, I guess ppl were boycotting sonic or something.... anyways, omg... last night Matt and I made out for like 10 minutes straight..... whoa o_____0 . and a few times before that --- omg!! OMG  my mom is cooking tacos for dinner, YAY!!   I am so hungry
isn't pikachu so adorable ^_^ I so want to embrace him forever, besides Matt, him I could like make out with for ever!! he's comming over tonight! can't wait, can't wait, can't wait

bye
 
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*tired*   
02:05pm 05/07/2004
 
mood: tired
I think I have to work tonight at 5? *yawn* I feel so tired..anyways, last night we watched fire works and it was pretty boring at first because when they were shootin' them, it was one at a time. then it got better when they were shootin' at least 5 or more at a time and yeah, then we went back to my house (because we watched meridian fire works behind the water tower) and lighted fireworks at home, it was midnight.. my mom's friends stephani and lane were there with us... I couldn't go with Matt to mountain home because my mom said I "HAD" to spend time with the family.. in which I do every year, I'm not alowed to take a break from it until I'm like 18, poop...aww well, last night was semi-fun.. anyways, I'm like falling asleep here...


bye
 
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12:02pm 01/07/2004
 
mood: weird
lately I've been feelin' a little sick ever night... ehhhhg...*sigh* oh well, last few days were good though, there are new employees workin' and they ake me look good, that means I look good, whoa!... anyways, yes this is going to be short, but I am doing good ^_^

bye
 
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big deal !   
11:54am 26/06/2004
 
mood: excited
woo... so last tuesday, on the 22nd, my relationship started! Matt an I are going out.. never felt so happy and never had a boyfriend, I feel way speshul! wooot.. him an I hung out today after the employee meeting we looked at some new cars, he wants a new one, I think he should keep the one he has, because he wants ugly cars, HAHA ^_^

anyways, my mom ruined it by calling me home, but it's cool, he had to work anyways... I'll see him tonight ^_^

anways, bye
 
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*exhausted*   
11:43pm 21/06/2004
 
mood: sleepy
I feel pretty cool now, I've jes forgot all of my stupid old friends and made a few new ones.. I mean I'll still talk to my old friends from school but it'll be like an aquaintance thing except for some few choice ppl... anyways, I am like so in pain, I've been working from 5pm-12am it's insane for like 6 days a week straight... but I don't care because I am making better money... I'm pretty much jes sitting here at the computer waiting for a friends call, I know! it's freaking late night right now! ahhhh... but does that matter? no... my back hurts a lot and I feel way sick... but I don't care!


*sigh*

end
 
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*mental breakdown*   
01:31pm 10/06/2004
 
mood: frustrated
all the ppl I hang with are all messed up in a way... like ryan sinc... he is like bi-sexual, I don't like those kind of ppl, but he said if I didn't except those kind of ppl that I would be stereotyping and that's mean or something, I hate being mean so I except him for who he is and be his friend, I don't agree with his lifestyle, and I really don't want to be his friend, I'm jes being nice so I don't have anyone who hates me... so I get in trouble last night because a while back I brought him into my house to meet my family, before my mom realized he was a bi, so I "opened the doors" to his lifestyle saying, 'it's okay that your bi, that I eventually will become bi too' I never want to be bi that is sooooo grosss! in the first place about 2nd semester of school I had already realized that I was hanging out with the kind of ppl I didn't want to hang out with, but I hung out with them anyways because I would be alone in a corner.. and in fact I regret not leaving them to go in a corner because I would feel better and not stupid for making dumb friends... the only friends that are more like aquaintances or at least one of them is a friend is stokely and her best friend bob-rita, kaitlyn and s'mone...Holly would be a good friend if she didn't hang out with dumb ppl and be jealouse because ryan, the guy she likes is hanging out with this other fat girl...ahhhh, and I don't like her mom, she's cool an all, it's jes she's so uptight over the dumbest things...so all I consider friends is holly (she's cool when we aren't haging with those dumb ppl like ryan and heather and those other creepy ppl) stokely, bob-rita, kaitlyn and s'mone...... I don't want to hang out with holly's friends anymore because I don't like how they are... I don't even know where I'm going with this entry right now, I am jes that dumb....

my mom thinks I'm bi because I hung out with one at school and because I don't date or at least haven't been asked to date, how ever you say it...

but last night I met up with Seth Kormylo and talked with him for a bit, he wants us to hang out sometime and gave me his number, haha, he's a way cool guy and he's best friends with keith, I totally had a crush on keith last yr in 9th grade, but Seth is pretty good lookin' himself... I dunno, I'm afraid he does drugs like keith does, but maybe he doesn't? he was running and said he was trying to get in shape, he's a big guy and played football the last 2 yrs I knew him but he's not going to play this yr, heh, that's okay though.. and I'm afraid he may use me for my liscense because when I stopped to talk with him he's like oh so you got your liscense, we shoule hang out some time...it would be cool to hang out with guys like I used to, real guys not like ryan a bisexual girl.. geez, I don't know what to do with myself...

I'm done
 
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well, it's officially summer   
12:39pm 04/06/2004
 
mood: awake
it's getting warmer and I'm at home while my parents are at work, and my brothers and I are getting along...OMG, that's amazing, this morning my little brother and I made breakfast together and my other brother was on the phone with his gf, as always, and so we all ate together at the table, which is way nt us, and we talked about random things, then my little brother and I cleaned the kitchen while my other brother was still on the phone with his gf in his room getting ready for football practice, he jes left... but anyways, yeah so I'm bored a little bit, jes last night I attended this live chat with kevin max, one of the greatest singers int he world, and he picked me and a few other ppl to recieve his free cd, "between the fance and the universe", made me spaz... was such an excitement, and I prolly won't even get it.

*sigh*

I got to talk with a friend in Florida last night, he's finding a different profession for a life career, which was good, but I also heard he may be going over seas in the near future. I feel way terrible, because we were supposed to be '2gether' and I ruined it, it's jes I haven't talked with him for a while and I won't be able to see him for another 4 yrs... but when I'm 18, maybe I can make a trip to see him or something? or maybe his family, either would be great.. but his brother is going into the air force, so I may miss even seeing him, it'll probably be his parents that I meet first in person, and that's fine too, because I have a whole bunch of family love for them, they are like my closet family of friends I have, they even gave me a distinct name to fit in ^_^ I love them all!

there's a beetle, HAHA, down the street I want! so bad, it's a yellow slug bug, '74, it's beautiful, the car of my dreams! it has a cd player and two big stereos in the back, oh gosh, I almost fainted walking up to it and looking inside, it's in the greastest condition I've ever seen an old slug bug before, I really hope to save enough to make a down payment before it's gone, it's so beautiful, I am like going psycho watching it and thingking there's no time left to get it... AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH... I guess the beaver whacker'll do if I dont get it, those are a classic too, yup, the beautiful wood panel on the side of a car yup ^_^

so, like the summer has taken over me, all that matters is that I make enough money to please my dad, I need to find another job so I can make more money..I like have no interest in guys right now, it's weird...I mean I have interest in guys, but not like the ones around me, it's jes like singers..like Geddy and Kevin...but I'm jesl ike focused on making money for some reason, like I'm greedy or something, but I hate being greedy, it's jes my dad is taking me on a guilt trip everytime I spend my money, and my riend I was talking to in florida told me to stop spending money on my friends, which is true, but hearing it from him was like hearing from someone who cared about me and how I manage my money...my job is cutting my hours every time, I'm only working 4 days a week and like up to 4 hours a day, when it's the weekdays it's maybe 1-2 hours... that bites, I barely make $90 a paycheck...jeez...

*breath*

I am so changing my style, I look like a man, I am going to continue looking like one...I'm growing out my hair and taking the style of Geddy... he has a great style, I jes faint every time I see him in a video or something.. yessssss, I know I'm obsessed, but what better way to get out of my obsession is to ware it out, that's right! and I'm not going to wear make-up anymore.. I'm too lazy to worry about it anymore, HAHA

Omg, last night, my dad comes home and he's like, "OH, btw, Cory's going to hang out around sonic now" I'm like "okay?" then he's like "oh yeah and he's not taken anymore either" I like "who cares?" then my mom walks in and she's like "corey thinks your pretty" I'm like laughing histerically, seriously, I look like a man, who could think I'm pretty? HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! okay I'm cool now... wait, holdon a second...*turns around and laughs even harder* OMG I can't believe this guy, HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I think my mom was jes saying that for a stupid reason, I think jes cause our parents work together they're sending stupid messages to us to make us hook up or something.... I am never going to make friends with my dad's friends kids, it's jes not a good idea, parents talk, and that's stupid... so yeah... *sigh* okay I think I'm over with ^_^

bye,
love me
 
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the last day of school....... for like 2 monthes   
02:03pm 02/06/2004
 
mood: high
WElllllllll...today was the last day of school, I like pretty much failed all my finals, which doesn't bother me none, I am a failure, what can I say? so all my friends and I go out for coffee today (iced milkyways) it's hot outside, I did all the running around because I paid for everyone, but does that matter to me? naw, it don't, I am the lazy/kicked back loser, OF COURSE! so does my dad care, what do you think, it's only that he shoots me down every time I buy gas for the beaver whacker, what makes you think he wouldn't care about the money I'm spending, I mean I still have to pay for insurance.. and I didn't get a 3.0 or better, I prolly got like a 2.7 or something like that, or even lower, who knows, I don't care, I'm going to be a cartoonist when I grow up, who cares what other ppl think, right? WRONG! WRONG! WRONG!!! I have to exceed spectations with my parents, I like HAVE to have a 3.0 or I'm not good enough for the family, I mean I'm not the only failure in my family, my youngest brother can barely keep a 1.0, OH but kevyn! he's the star, a 3.5 keeper, <-- that's the reason I am so down looked upon, well at least I can get a job & get a drivers liscense and save money! he can't and he's a sk8r hippy, grrrrrrr.. he's such a perfect child.. but like I should care, I only worry about myself not my siblings.. *sigh*

blah blah blah, I know, I'm jes venting my random feelings, but you know, that's what a journal is for I guess, HAHA

have a good summer!
~anni
 
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